So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
