So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
