just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Randomize
