Whod you bang
She just used a chaser for red wine.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
