I just made out with a guy for $7.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
