there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
