Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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