I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
