you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
