Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
