WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
