So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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