Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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