hotel room ftw
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
