I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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