The maid of honor just puked.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
