this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
