That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
