I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
