I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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