i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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