Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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