Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
