...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The Olympian is in my bed
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
