Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
