went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
