Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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