i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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