her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Randomize
