how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
