Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
