i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
