life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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