he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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