Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize