end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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