It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
