Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Houston, we have a blender
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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