apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
