i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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