Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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