This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
