in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
