Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
