i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
