i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
