we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i think i just lost a toe
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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