Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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