Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
