Need sex. Gaining weight.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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