everyone is single if you try hard enough
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
