my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
