five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
