Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
