If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
