after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
