If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
