Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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