suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
