so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
