By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
