if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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