I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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