The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
where does the pee come out of this thing
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
