I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
