I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
